Luke 12:7 states, “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” I say, “Good luck with that one God, I am keeping the You on Your toes!” My hair has begun to fall out and the number of hairs on my head changes about every second. It started Wednesday of last week. It was different than I imagined. People spoke of it falling out in chunks or in two days, but my process is taking longer. My poor family and dear friends got this wonderful picture texted to them… Poor souls, no one knew what to say. Sorry about that! I didn’t expect a reply, just wanted to keep them informed.
Gross! I know! Sorry about that… but part of this blog is a journaling session for me. A therapy of sorts. I have found that my hair comes out when I brush it.
Maybe it is because my hair is so long? I think it gets so attached to the hair next to it, that it is just not coming out in chunks. For as long as I can remember, Roy brushed my hair after my evening shower. It was just something special we did. The night it started falling out, I was crying as he was so tenderly brushing my hair. I reminded him, that no matter how softly he worked, if it was detached, it was going to come out. Boy, I cried for quite a while. I was hoping, just really hoping that I could slide past this side effect. I have started to wonder if there was a side effect I was not going to experience? If it is on the list, I am experiencing it.
Now, what do I do with this hair that is falling out? It seems to be such a waste for it to end up in the trash. Although, that is where it is… Maybe a bird nest? That’s gross. I don’t want to find a swirling nest of my own hair when I am out mowing the lawn. I am going to mow the lawn? Hope so – I LOVE mowing the lawn. Tangent…
I may still experience just partial hair loss, but it is time to get prepared. It has been over one month since my diagnosis and I have tried to avoid thinking about wigs/scarves/turbins (which makes me think about Osama Bin Laden, so I am really staying clear of those 🙂 ) People have asked, “What kind of wig would you wear?” I don’t know. What kind of wig would you wear? I simply have spent 0.0001 percent of my life thinking about wigs. The time is upon me and I am incredibly thankful for the blessing of a dear friend who is coming to visit tomorrow and has done all of the research for me. That information combined with my sister’s research is easing the blow. How will I know when to shave my head? Did I just say that? Never thought I would shave my head either. So odd.
It is time to proclaim, Luke 12:22-25, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worring can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Okay God, I’ve got the memo. Maybe everyone has been right: It is just hair. It will grow back. God is so much bigger than this situation in this day. He is faithful to the end. He is not going to leave me here, bald. Maybe for a bit, I will need to be bald, to really experience this. You better be prepared for some future wig humor, though. Let’s be honest, I showed you my trash can full of hair. I am probably not going to hold much back.
Today, I got my second round of chemo and my digestive systems is saying, “I HATE YOU! What are you asking me to digest? I think I would prefer to turn inside out…” I get to take my anti-nausea medication with supper, so that should help. Nita has been here all day helping with the boys this morning and then cleaning during their afternoon nap. What a blessing. I thought during the next phase of our life, I would be down dusting her house. I know that is still in my future, but what an odd reversal of roles. She has got soup on the burner and it sounds and smells good – another blessing. Food that sounds good, is great. Roy and Richard got the pick-up unstuck… How did we get a pick-up stuck when we are in the middle of a drought? Time for a little chuckle and I was so thankful to laugh. Endophins are a great medicine. Blessings on them, too.
We continue to be blessed by our family, friends and community offering a helping hand. Roy and I actually got to vaccinate cows together on Saturday, with the help of a community crew. It was a beautiful spring day to be out, getting squirted with manure and slimed by snot. Simply perfect. I know, I know – I am a little weird, but it was a wonderful morning. I felt like I didn’t have cancer. I felt like I could contribute. Today, I feel like I got kicked in the guts, so I get to start over again, but that is okay. I continue to have the opportunity to really witness and minister to those who desire to hear about my faith in Jesus Christ. That will be the greatest blessing I receive during this journey. Thank you for the questions you have asked and for making the journey worth it! It is an interesting situation to be 33 years old, with cancer, but I am still very thankful. God is using it for good, just this week was a bit of a hairy situation.