I have decided the chemobrain has kicked in to high gear at this point of my treatment. I seem to lose everything right now – mostly my thoughts. I have always been a person to do what came to my mind right when it arrived as a thought. “The garden needs watered,” so I would go turn on the water. That concept is incredibly important right now. Otherwise, it is HIGHLY likely I will forget to water the garden all day long. I have tried to find some peace in knowing that most things are going to survive despite my severe brain lapses.
Unfortunately, this weekend I also lost something else really important. We went boating (well kind of – the boat chugged and died on us numerous times while in the middle of the lake) and when Roy asked me to put on his sunscreen I took off a gold and diamond band I have been wearing while my wedding band was getting replaced. I was so exhausted despite the boys giggling on the boat that I laid down on the bow for a bit. I had the terrible job of going to get the Expedition and boat trailer and back it down the ramp. Why is backing a bumper pull trailer down a boat ramp so hard? I looked like Austin Powers in his first movie when he gets stuck backing and going forward numerous times in the small hallway. I am getting better, but I hoped numerous people were laughing really hard while I am learning. I would laugh at me. Anyhow, as we were putting the cover back on the boat in the parking lot I realized that I had never put the ring back on my finger and it was no longer in my pocket. Roy insisted we stay and look for it and I thought it could be at the bottom of North Sterling Reservoir. We thought maybe it fell off while I was laying down. I was too tired to care. I loved this ring. But. I. was. exhausted… We headed home and normally this would put me in to a frenzy, but I just don’t have enough energy to expend it on the emotion of panic. Roy, on the other hand, cared greatly. We got home, laid the boys down for nap, and I had my rodeo queen contestants coming over to practice hair, modeling, etc, so I didn’t have time to worry about it. Roy embarked upon the pursuit of ring recovery. He drove the 20 miles back to the lake, walked up and down the ramp numerous times, thinking maybe it fell out while I got the car keys out. WELL… he was right. He found my ring. Can you believe that? I couldn’t. Despite amazing odds to NOT find my ring, he did. He didn’t give up.
This is such a mirror of Jesus’ pursuit of us. He knew exactly where that ring was and He knows exactly when we will be “found.” I am so thankful I have been found. I am thankful for Roy’s determination despite my personal exhaustion. On any other given day in my life, I would have spent hours looking for that ring, but not yesterday. My juice box is running low, but I can drink from the cup of living water. Jesus continues to give me refreshment despite my physical drought.
Tomorrow will be round 11 of 12. Did you read that? I said, 11 of 12. Two weeks from tomorrow I will get my last round of chemotherapy. I told Roy last week after round 10, that the reason they only give me 12, is that they might kill me on 13. I am not sure a person’s body could handle much more of this stuff. I am two weeks away from ceasing churning the black tar ball in my stomach. I am two weeks away from being away from my babies. I am two weeks away from NEVER HAVING TO DO THIS AGAIN! I proclaim that in the name of Jesus! I proclaim that I am already cancer free! I proclaim that my body will begin the restoration process quickly and I can get back to full function quickly after my final round!
I have some specific prayer requests:
- That despite my exhaustion I can remain highly functioning.
- With the Logan County Fair heavily upon me, that I can still do my “job” as the royalty coordinator very well.
- That I can manage my final round during Fair week without any major catastrophes (like having to gear up an IV bag to myself to walk around the fairgrounds).
- Pray that the boys behavior gets back in check. They have done so well despite the constant changing of the guard in their lives, but we are seeing that their behavior needs more modification than normal.
- Please pray that Roy has strength to manage the ranch well. Praying for rain is always a good thing.
- On Thursday, July 25th, Roy and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. I am mad that I have an appointment at the Cancer Center with Aloxi (one of my anti-nausea’s) instead of a date with my husband. I am a traditionalist. I want to celebrate on our anniversary. I know, I know, we can celebrate later, but I don’t want to. Please pray that I can find peace that day, and not frustration with cancer being such a time thief.
For those of you that are still with us on this journey, thank you for your faithfulness. I am forever grateful for the support, prayers, love and help we have received from so many people. May you have a very blessed week!
P.S. This is simply for your enjoyment… I began laughing hysterically today when I caught I glimpse of my hair. What is that? That is not curly. That is not straight. That is some awful creation in between. I have officially had the worst hair day of my life. So thankful to laugh about it. At least I have some bad hair still left on my head, right?