On Wednesday, April 26th I was walking into Sterling Regional MedCenter. I have walked on that same sidewalk for many different reasons – check-ups for Jake and Matt, bringing Roy in when we thought he might have broken his arm after a horse ejection (he was not bucked off, just to clarify…), or when I tried to cut my thumb off while working with a head knife on a saddle.
This day was different. I walked past the concrete wall. Beyond the wall was the David Walsh Cancer Center. Beyond the wall is where I was receiving chemo just four short years ago. Beyond the wall was a statue of two little boys that were the same age as Jake and Matt where when I was going through chemo.
I was no longer on “that” side of the wall. I was no longer fighting cancer. I remember sitting on “that” side of the wall receiving chemo and hearing family’s walk by with their new baby’s and desperately wishing I would get to do that some day again. My initial oncologist had told me that this chemo was highly successful but would likely leave me infertile. It was one of the hardest things to hear and process at that time.
On Wednesday, I was walking into the Family Care Clinic for baby Waitley’s one week appointment. That in and of itself is a milestone and a miracle. I slowed down as I walked past the wall. I was overwhelmed with emotion that I was “beyond the wall.” I was no longer on “that” side, but I was on “this” side.
It is because the Lord is full of grace and mercy that I got to walk on the other side of the wall. My heart was bursting with joy and I was completely overwhelmed that He answered our prayers. After all these years, Roy and I really began to settle in to the idea that we were blessed to raise Jake and Matt, but that was probably it for any more children. When we found out were were expecting again, we were really in shock. I may still be in shock… But really I was shocked that the Lord so graciously answered our prayer.
My encouragement to you, is that no matter what wall is in front of you, it might be a physical concrete barrier or something else that feels unsurmountable, just wait. Pause. Breathe. The Lord is working everything for your good and His glory (to quote my dear friend and mentor, Andrea). It might be hard. Really, really hard right now. The Lord knows the best timing for you. We are foolish to think that we know what is best for us and when that should occur.
One day you will be beyond the wall that is in front of you. The Lord is too good, too kind, too gracious, to leave you there forever. There may be some serious learning and trusting that needs to occur where you are at, but He will never leave you nor forsake you.
I am victorious beyond the wall, as I trust in the Lord with all my heart!